A girlfriend and I were talking the other day about reconnecting with high school classmates on Facebook. She mentioned that she was overweight in high school and, while people were nice to her, they weren’t clamoring to get to know the real her. Now that she has lost that weight, she gets Facebook “friend” requests from some of those folks with a typical comment of “wow, you’ve changed so much”. I could hear the sadness in her voice and I commented “I am so sorry that you had to go through that”. She said “well, that was my reality”.
My reality. Those two words really stuck with me. My life. My experiences. It is what it is. It is my reality. So this morning I have been thinking a lot about my own reality – what it is and what it isn’t – what I am and what I am not. And you know what? After years and years (and years and years), I now realize that it’s okay for me to be or not be what I am or what I am not. (Do you need to read that sentence again?) I have been tried to be the good…the perfect…the smart…the motivated…the liked…the thin…the appreciated…the favorite…and my wheels have just been spinning. So in a two part series, I present to you who I am and who I am not. And here is who I am not…
1. I am not career-minded. My life path never included a desire to be a powerful career woman. I always wanted to be a soft, squishy, stay at home mom. I got the soft and squishy part down, and I stay at home a lot, so I guess three out of four isn’t bad.
2. I am not the world’s best housekeeper. Here is my thinking on this – homes are supposed to be comfortable. I don’t want a designer home with nary a pillow out of place. I don’t mind if there are glasses on the counter. When the dog hair gets too out of control, it’s time to act…but not before.
3. I am not always happy. I never know when it is going to hit. It may come from a dream, from a scent, from an innocent comment. Grief, loss and depression are tough topics that many people shy away from – “if I ignore it, if I minimize it, maybe it will go away, maybe it won’t be real”. Oh, it’s real, my friend.
4. I am not photogenic. I wonder why I didn’t get that gene. I think I look pretty normal in the mirror, but then a camera comes out and one eye is bigger than the other, all my chins want to get in the picture, and my hair does crazy things. Perhaps I need my own personal Photoshop software…
5. I am not the favorite - favorite employee, favorite aunt, favorite youth group leader, favorite child, favorite in-law. Perhaps folks shy away from me because of #2 above. Or #3. Perhaps I am reaping what I have sewn.
6. I am not as healthy as I would like to be. Too many extra pounds, a sedentary lifestyle, a love of all things butter. And chocolate.
I am certain that there are other things that I am not, but six is a good number to stop on. Hope you will tune in tomorrow to read about what I am.
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